Down on My Knees

I’m not a worrier. Really I don’t see the point … things work out the way they are supposed to work out is kind of how I look at it. It’s just added stress and I don’t need more of that in my life. However, the worry is starting to set in about kindergarten and Ethan.

Maybe it’s more than worry …. Could be panic. Sure, he’s been going to preschool at the same school for 2 years. Completely full time last year. He had the same teacher and aide both of those years. Now he has a brand new teacher, a male teacher. I think a male teacher would be good for him …. But the “new” thing is a little scary for me. Every teacher has to be new once. As a matter of fact I’ve been a new teacher several times: new school, or new grades several times. I keep saying I hope this isn’t Ethan’s teacher’s first and last year!

My concerns are long. Will he listen? Will he stay with the class or wander off and get lost? Will he be able to keep up? Will he throw fits at school? Will he learn to write his name, his alphabet, his numbers, colors, to read …. I think they learn to read in kindergarten now!? Will he hoard all the toys and small game pieces? Will he just zone out and lay down and suck his thumb when he should be paying attention? Will he be lost because there isn’t an aide in his room this year? This is where I start to hyperventilate a little and the tears well up. Kindergarten is the BIG TIME ….. This is the real deal. This is where attitudes about school are decided and can affect an entire lifetime of learning.

Then as a breathe into a paper bag …. I think about how much he has changed this summer. He is a lot different. He is asking questions more …. His favorite is “what does that mean?” sometimes he’s serious when he asks that, sometimes he does it as a joke. He’s playing more imaginatively than ever.

I find him setting up toys and I hear him talking for them and playing out scenes. He is being more interactive with his siblings too, playing games and “house” sometimes with him being the initiator. He can almost dress himself all the way. He seldom throws a huge fit. He argues less about things and gives in much quicker when he’s being defiant. He can buckle the top part of his carseat …. We’re working on the bottom part now.

He has written some of the letters in his name all by himself. He's learning to follow multi-step directions.

He’s getting pretty good at using scissors. He doesn’t run off in stores any more. He will listen to Aaron and me when we tell him to look at our eyes. He asks for things rather just taking, like apples and snacks. He’s growing up and maturing.

I think some of his delay is due to lack of maturity and part is from his extreme stubbornness. I will keep working with him and talking to him and watching him …. I talk to him almost everyday about doing his best in kindergarten. But there’s only so much a mom can do.

I have to sit back and let him do the rest. It's a bit reminiscent of the NICU after he stabilized ... it was his job to eat and grow.  He did on his own terms ... just like potty training FIVE and a half years later.  All I could do was sit back and watch him grow ... and pray.

He has several teachers helping him: speech, a hearing aide itinerant, and new this year: a special ed teacher and an occupational therapist. He has a lot of people pulling for him …. Still his mom is worried and down on her knees praying that he works hard and is a successful kindergartner … I think I’ll be on my knees a lot this school year and if you have a minute feel free to say a little prayer for my boy.