Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Yesterday, I came across this written by one of my all time favorite bloggers, Karen Russell:
At church on Sunday, our pastor talked about the fact that in order to really 'love' people, you have to be transparent - even at the risk of being hurt or having the things you share used against you later. And though I don't think I've ever really had much of a problem with being transparent on this blog, please bare with me while I make all of us a little uncomfortable...

She proceeded to disclose some things about her life that blog readers may or may not know about her. Basically it was her way of showing she is not perfect and does not share things on her blog to "show off" or make others feel her life is better than hers.

I love this so much. I love the pastor talked about really 'loving' others. Remember love is my word for the year. I strive to be a transparent person. I don't try to hide the real me. Take or leave it. I do write this blog to share with others little bits of our life (I don't think I have very many readers especially since I haven't kept up on it in the last year and half). But really I write this blog for my kids. I need to publish what I have so far into a book for them. I want them to be able to look back and see into our day-to-day life and into my thoughts about them, our family, our lives, and myself. I have never wrote this blog to pretend I am anyone I'm not or that I am better than anyone else. We all have great points and imperfections and things to work on.

It also reminds me that there are little messages all around us. You just have to notice them. It seems lately I keep noticing little messages everywhere about truth and honesty.   It makes me want to go back to church. We had just started going a few months before my dad passed away and then we spent so many weekends working on the farm, we didn't get to go. We tried to go back a few times but found it hard since we were out of the habit. I really want to go back, hopefully I can hear some good messages like the one above (although it is hard to hear them over the craziness of my children).

I think transparency is why Aaron and I have the relationship that we do. We lay everything out here (and in stores and the car and at restaurants and even in the yard). We tell it like it is to each other even though at times in public it can be embarrassing. We know where we stand on pretty much everything and yes, there is yelling and cursing and tears at times. But we are completely honest with each other. We seldom go to bed angry because we say what needs to be said when it comes up. We don't bottle up anything, there is no silent treatment here!  I know some people would rather keep it their feelings bottled up rather than risk an arguement but how does that solve anything? I think most times just makes it worse in the end. Transparency is not always easy but being true to yourself and others is worth it. It can be hard for people to understand especially if they don't live their life this way. I hope to teach my kids that being open and honest is one of the most important things in life and the key to great relationships.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Better than I used to be

This song would be the perfect accompaniment to my life at this moment.  The new year didn't start out on the positive note that I was hoping.  It's a good thing I have broad shoulders and good outlook, or I may have ended up in a pile in the corner crying.  I am not perfect and will never pretend to be.  I am a good person, I never intentionally hurt people especially ones I am close to despite what others think.  I am what I am and I've never hid it here or to anyone else.  This year will get better, even if it that "uphill climb" is going to be a lot harder than I could have ever predicted, but no matter what I will remain true to myself.

Monday, January 2, 2012


The last few days have me thinking about my life .... we don't have a lot of money or a fabulous home (rather 1 good home and 1 work-in-progress home).  We don't drive nice vehicles or travel to exotic places or really any places at all other than the grocery store and Goodwill.  We wear used clothes, the hubby and I could each stand to lose 20 pounds, I'm lucky if I manage to get my haircut twice a year and shower every 2 days.  Most days I wear sweats and am up to armpits in kids and questions and projects and homework and bills and a giant mess at our house and days can go by where I don't talk to any other adults except my hubby.  But ..... and it's a big
                              BUT .....
I am happy.  Happy with things just the way they are, counting my blessings and loving myself and the life we have created.

Sunday, January 1, 2012


I always choose a word for the year.  It's my way of doing resolutions.  The word is my theme (oh, how I love a theme)for the year.  I incorporate that word into my day to day life to help me grow as a person in as many ways as possible.  This year "love" sort of picked me so we'll see where it takes me but I have some ideas in mind already. 
2011's word was strength.  I can't think of a more perfect word for me for the past year.  I kept hold of that word all through the year .... so much so that I may just have it tattooed on my body.  There were some big rough patches last year but I stayed strong through them.  I know that I am even a stronger person now than a year ago, I am so proud of myself for staying strong.  I wrote on facebook today that I was blindsided a few times this year but hope my vision in 2012 is better.  That vision is going to be filled with love.
Hope the year to come is the best possible for all of us!
Happy 2012!