Tuesday, August 18, 2009

My cup (and my shoe basket) and everything runneth over

Being a mom is hard! I just did a post like that last week that I never published because it was super negative and just down right depressing. But I think I'll rehash the whole subject again anyway. My day was fine, busy but fine then I get the call that my husband will be working late! Never mind that he is gone at least 11 hours everyday, Monday through Friday, and even though he is gone that long he's lucky if he gets paid for 6 of those 11 hours. So when he's going to be any later than that I feel stress, well more so than usual. And the kids start whining about when is Daddy coming home. And I can't decide if I should start cooking supper or if it just a waste since Aaron and I are the only ones who really eat anything anyway. I wasn't even in that bad of a mood when he rolled in at 6:30 only 30 minutes later than normal. But what puts me over the edge is as soon as dinner is finished, he NEEDS to mow. I hate it when he has to mow, our yard is small but with a push mower it takes over an hour. An hour is a long time here with 4 tired kids and a grouchy mom. An hour is like the blink of an eye if I am home alone, no kidding. He was only going to mow the back yard, okay I can handle that. I even gave all 4 kids baths which I do not feel is my "area". Then the crying started and I announced "bedtime" immediately and realized not one sheet was on their beds because I washed them all today. Putting sheets and mattress covers on is not an easy task on bunk beds. Reese cried downstairs for 15 minutes because she couldn't find her pillow, I think. Ethan was crying because he had pink Petshop sheets on his bed, we rotated beds today and I only have one "boy" sheet set. Addison cried because she wanted a SpongeBob pillow case on her mattress as the sheet, need a magic wand for that one. All the while I'm trying to put on all the sheets, I am tripping over the one million toys and books from their beds on the floor. After about 15 minutes of that and me saying more than once "my brain is going to explode" which is something I say when I am about ready to snap, I decided mowing in the dark is dumb and yell out the door to the father of my children who is not mowing but sweeping sidewalks (don't get me started on what I think of that at this moment). How is he supposed to know that I need help getting 4 kids to bed, how should he know that it's bedtime and that they are crazy, how should he know I need help putting sheets on beds even though I mentioned it at dinner. Fast forward to downstairs a little later, I am told things need to be done like mowing, and something about we shouldn't have had kids if I can't handle it! I need a pay raise or leave of absence or more patience or school to start, or maybe my husband to realize that 5 minutes of peace and quiet would be nice! So he goes back outside to sweep his ever so important sidewalks and I pick up the thousands of toys we own, swearing that tomorrow the kids will be helping do this and thinking about the millions of things that needs to be done but somehow never do because we have 4 kids who I love and that's just the way it is right now and someday I'll have a moment to myself to do stuff again. And that there's no sense in taking it out on the father of my four kids because I'm tired and sometimes jealous that he gets to be alone 11 hours a day and drive in the truck by myself and listen to whatever he wants on the radio. As I throw shoes in our shoe basket, add clean out the shoe basket to my list of things I never do, (how can 4 kids have this many shoes?) and I pour myself an adult beverage because I need to relax and be grateful for a lot of things like our health, our family, my husband's job (even if it's 11 stupid hours a day), and the fact that I only have a drink once a month instead of every time I think about it. Being a mom is good even when it's bad.



I hear you loud and clear! Kids are so frustrating and wonderful at the same time.
(our mini vacation was at grizzly jack's grand bear resort in Utica near Starved Rock State Park)

Penny Smith said...

It may not make you feel ANY better, but we ALL understand. Well, all of us that have more then one child anyway. :)
It is hard, but I tryt o talk to Jerry about what I need ehlp with when I am NOT upset, so that he sees the signs of when I will say things I don't really mean but am losing my mind.
It can help.
He now knws the signs of my "she's about to blow" and he steps in.
He's not perfect, mind you, but he is present and trying... even though there are plenty of times he blows things off...

Your time is coming. Soon, only Reece will be home, THEN only you. It is glorious and sad at the same time. And let me tell you, you think you will get SO much done in the hours they are at school.... (cough).